What Does Neuroaffirming Therapy Actually Look Like in Practice?
- Carol Hegan
- May 6
- 3 min read
In recent years, the term neuroaffirming has become more common in therapy and education spaces — and for good reason. But with growing popularity comes misunderstanding. Some assume that neuroaffirming therapy just means “letting kids do whatever they want.” Others confuse it with permissive parenting or worry it lacks structure.
Let’s be clear: neuroaffirming therapy is not about abandoning expectations — it’s about shifting how and why we support.
So, what is neuroaffirming therapy — really?
Neuroaffirming therapy means creating a space where neurodivergent individuals (children and adults) are understood, respected, and supported in ways that align with their unique neurology. It’s rooted in the principles of:
Safety before compliance
Understanding before intervention
Collaboration over control
Support, not shaping
We don't ask how can I change this behaviour? — we ask:
What is this child communicating?
What need is not being met?
How can I meet them where they are, not where I wish they were?
Neuroaffirming ≠ Compliance-Based Therapy
One of the most important distinctions is this:
Neuroaffirming therapy is not the same as compliance-based therapy.
Compliance-based approaches often focus on rewarding "desired" behaviours and extinguishing those seen as disruptive or non-functional.
While this can appear effective in the short term, it often teaches masking, suppresses communication, and increases internalised stress.
✖️ Compliance-focused therapy asks: How do I make this child act neurotypical?
✅ Neuroaffirming therapy asks: How do I support this child to feel safe and thrive in the world as they are?
Instead of using sticker charts or time-outs to push through distress, neuroaffirming therapists co-regulate, listen, and create adaptive environments. Instead of prioritising adult-led goals, we co-design goals that centre the child’s sensory, emotional, and relational needs.
What does it look like in practice?
We follow the child’s lead — not because we lack direction, but because we trust their inner compass.
We reduce demands when a child is dysregulated — not to “avoid problems,” but to honour their nervous system.
We pause when a child is overwhelmed — not to give in, but because connection always matters more than compliance.
We adapt communication — whether through speech, AAC, gestures, or behaviour — all communication is valid.
What does neuroaffirming therapy feel like?
From a lived experience lens — as a neurodivergent therapist myself — I can say this:
💬 It feels safe.
💬 It feels like I don’t have to mask or perform to be accepted.
💬 It feels like people actually hear what I’m saying — even when I’m not using words.
💬 It feels like I don’t have to try so hard.
💬 It feels like being welcomed for all of me.
When children feel safe, their brains are more available for learning, connection, and growth. That’s not just theory — it’s neuroscience. And it’s backed by emerging research that shows neuroaffirming, strengths-based approaches lead to improved mental health outcomes, including reduced anxiety, improved emotional regulation, and stronger self-identity.
The Link to Mental Health and Long-Term Outcomes
Children who are constantly pushed to mask their neurodivergence, suppress stimming, or meet neurotypical standards often experience:
Elevated rates of anxiety and depression
Reduced self-esteem
Disconnection from their authentic identity
Burnout and shutdowns (even in childhood)
Neuroaffirming therapy disrupts this pattern. It provides protective factors, like:
Self-understanding
Positive relationships built on trust
Space to express emotions safely
Validation of sensory, communication, and emotional needs
Development of self-advocacy skills
When we shift from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What do you need right now?”, everything changes — for the better.
Final Thoughts
Neuroaffirming therapy is more than just a practice.
It’s a paradigm shift.
It’s a relationship.
It’s a feeling.
It’s the kind of therapy that truly supports neurodivergent people — not by “fixing” them, but by building environments where they can thrive as their authentic selves.
Want to experience therapy that feels different — in all the right ways?
At Grow Therapy Services, we offer neuroaffirming, trauma-informed, and relationship-based therapy for neurodivergent children and their families.
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