I remember the first time I became aware that I was masking. It wasn’t a term I had heard growing up, and yet, it was something I had done every single day. I had learned to suppress my natural way of communicating, to hide my need for movement, to soften my reactions, and to change the way I interacted with the world just to fit in. It wasn’t conscious at first; it was survival.
But masking comes at a cost. It’s exhausting. It can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even a lost sense of self. And yet, for so many neurodivergent individuals, it feels necessary. Today, I want to explore what masking is, why we do it, how to recognise it, and most importantly, how we can create spaces where people feel safe to be their true selves.
What is Masking?
Masking is the process of hiding or suppressing natural neurodivergent traits to blend in with neurotypical expectations. It’s often seen in autistic and ADHD individuals but can also be experienced by people with other neurodivergence’s. Masking can involve:
Forcing or mimicking eye contact
Copying social behaviours to fit in
Suppressing stimming (e.g., fidgeting, hand-flapping, rocking)
Hiding sensory overwhelm
Rehearsing or scripting conversations
Forcing oneself to sit still, stay quiet, or follow social norms that feel unnatural
Many neurodivergent people begin masking in childhood, often without realizing it. Over time, it becomes second nature, but that doesn’t mean its easy. Masking can be deeply draining and is a significant contributor to autistic burnout.
Why Do People Mask?
People mask for many reasons, but it almost always comes down to safety, acceptance, and survival.
To avoid bullying, rejection, or exclusion: Many neurodivergent individuals learn early on that being different isn’t always accepted.
To meet societal expectations: Schools, workplaces, and social environments often have rigid expectations of behaviour that don’t accommodate neurodivergent needs.
To avoid punishment or negative consequences: Some children learn that stimming, struggling with eye contact, or expressing distress leads to discipline rather than support.
To gain friendships or employment opportunities: Masking can help people navigate social and professional spaces where their authentic traits might be misunderstood.
How to Recognise Masking
Masking can be subtle, and for some individuals, it becomes so ingrained that they don’ t even realize they are doing it. However, here are some signs that someone might be masking:
They seem exhausted or withdrawn after social interactions.
They describe feeling like they are “performing” in social settings.
They express anxiety about making mistakes in conversations.
They have strong emotional reactions in private but suppress them in public.
They struggle with burnout, chronic stress, or identity confusion.
Many neurodivergent people only recognise their own masking after experiencing burnout or when they begin unmasking in safe environments.
When to Support with Unmasking
Unmasking isn’t a simple process, it requires time, safety, and support. It’s not always realistic to expect someone to drop their mask immediately, especially if they have experienced harm from being their authentic self.
Instead, we should focus on creating environments where unmasking feels safe.
Validate neurodivergent traits: Instead of pushing eye contact, stillness, or social expectations, recognize and affirm the persons natural communication and regulation strategies.
Encourage self-expression: Whether through movement, stimming, AAC, or different styles of communication, people should feel free to be themselves.
Reduce sensory stressors: Providing sensory-friendly spaces, noise-reduction options, and flexible seating can make a big difference.
Allow breaks from social demands: Expecting neurodivergent individuals to be “on” all the time is unrealistic and damaging.
Respect personal boundaries: Many neurodivergent people have different needs when it comes to social interaction, touch, and energy levels. Honoring these boundaries fosters trust.
Creating Environments That Support All Neurotypes
If we want to reduce the need for masking, we need to rethink the environments we create—at home, in schools, workplaces, and communities.
Normalise neurodivergent communication: Not everyone communicates the same way. Accepting varied communication styles, including nonverbal methods and AAC, helps build inclusion.
Encourage movement and stimming: These are natural ways to self-regulate and should never be discouraged.
Ditch one-size-fits-all social expectations: Instead of forcing eye contact or small talk, let people engage in ways that feel comfortable for them.
Promote psychological safety: When people feel safe to be themselves, they thrive. Foster environments where people know they won’t be judged or penalized for their natural traits.
Embracing Authenticity
Unmasking is a journey, not a destination. For some, it’s gradual and intentional. For others, it happens in moments of deep exhaustion or when they finally find a space that welcomes their full self.
For me, unmasking has been about reclaiming my own identity — letting go of the pressure to fit a mold that was never designed for me. It’s been about recognising that I deserve to exist as I am, without apology.
And that’s what I want for all neurodivergent individuals - to live in a world where they don’t have to choose between belonging and being themselves. Because true inclusion isn’t about making neurodivergent people fit in; it’s about making the world safe for everyone to show up as their full, authentic selves.
Let’s build that world together.
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